Greetings,

As we arrive at yet another Mother’s Day, I have some things on my mind that I wanted to share. I know that this is one of the most popular and highly celebrated holidays of the calendar year. For many it is a joyous occasion – as it should be. A mother (motherlike guardian)’s responsibility is not easy, and it is great to have a day set aside to acknowledge our hard work and achievements. However, there are many who cannot express this sentiment about their mothers – for very good reasons – and this is what I need to speak on for a moment.

Although there are many mothers that have raised their children and gave them plenty of love and support, there are just as many women who have either abandoned their child(ren), have been and are abusive, and planted some very damaging mental seeds that has handicapped their offspring in some fashion. Whether it is a false sense of obligation, the fear of never living up to a standard, and/or unrealistic expectations from others, these factors often prohibit children from leading healthy, independent lives. Many children have been made to believe that they should still honor these women inspite of these actions, which over time can lead to resentment, anguish, and apathy. They often feel (and have been made to feel by many well meaning, yet still misguiding family members and friends) as if they are at fault for why these things occurred, and that it is their responsibility alone to overcome that pain. I have encountered many individuals that have recalled less than loving experiences with their mothers, and yet they still feel that because they were given birth to and were financially provided for that there is still a need to put this being on a pedestal – which is not deserved. Some KNOW that it is not deserved, but with the stigma of such a holiday, it is considered blasphemy to speak ill of one’s mother – no matter how awful the experience. So they are faced with either keeping the pain to themselves, or expressing very openly – often to the dismay of others that are not honest with themselves about similar backgrounds. In any case, the level of discomfort is always present and can lead to very heartbreaking results (ostracism, depression, etc). This cannot be overlooked, and it is time for us to take an honest look at what many have been apprehensive to speak about for so long.

What we as parents – and especially as mothers - must remember is that it is mandatory to provide for our children and give them the love and support they need and deserve. As I stated before, it is not easy - in fact it is often very frustrating and can cause us to make mistakes along the way. But nothing is worse than when a parent places unnecessary blame and unfair burdens on children that can scar them for the rest of their lives. And it is even worse when children think they have no recourse other than to accept what happened to them and hold these people to a place of honor where there is none. When a parent messes up, it is OUR responsibility to fix the problem – and when a child expresses that you have done something hurtful to them, LISTEN – no matter how painful it may be to do so. No one is perfect by any means, and children will respect you more in the long run when you show that you are learning with them – as well as FROM them.

So I say to all those that are celebrating Mother’s Day with genuine appreciation, I wish you and yours a very Happy Day. And to those of you that cannot, I truly understand and I hope you have a great day still. No one has the right to discount your painful experience, and if speaking out gives you closure then by all means speak out loud. You are not alone at all. As for me, this holiday is dubious at best – I cannot say that I had the worst experience with my mother, but it definitely has not been the best and I am pushing for accountability as a result. But in the meantime, I don’t let that stop me from being the best mother I can be to my children. My pain doesn’t have to be theirs too, and because I recognize that I am at peace.

Have a great day!

Mandy

I am pleased to announce that the Georgia Department of Transportation has officially erected the Adopt a Highway signs for our organization. It is located at exit 231 (Mt. Zion Rd) on Interstate 75 Southbound – which is a very high traffic area, and located in the Southlake shopping area of Morrow, GA We were approved last year; however political issues (not pertaining to us) caused a serious delay. Now that this is complete, we will begin our cleanup schedule of the designated mile stretch. Volunteers will be needed; for each cleanup, snacks and beverages will be provided. 

If you would like to contribute, please contact us, or visit the Donate section of our website. Thank you for your continued support of BN!!!

Sincerely,

Mandisa L. Thomas

President 

This year, I am at home with my family – which consists of my husband Craig and our three children. There are no extended relatives – no mothers, fathers, siblings, aunts, uncles or cousins in our presence. There will be most likely no friends that come to visit us at home, and more than likely, we will not be going out either. It will just be the five of us as the kids open their presents, and enjoy food. This is just fine with me.

There are a lot of perceptions about the holiday season, and it means different things to different people. For some, it is a fun time to gather with extended family, eat, and exchange presents or other rituals that are considered tradition. For others, it is tough because the gatherings with family and or friends seem to be more of an obligation than a celebration. They may be coerced into participating and interacting out of a sense of guilt and appeasing the desires of relatives, most likely a parent. And yet for others,  it is a time of melancholy and loneliness (ie, the “Holiday Blues”) due to the loss of loved ones – either through death or distance – as well as other factors, including financial hardship or the personal decision to stop celebrating holidays altogether.

Since moving to the Atlanta area 15 years ago, I can count on one hand how many times we’ve had family visit us for the holidays. Mind you, I have only been out as an atheist since 2010, so this isn’t a factor in this delinquency. Most times, we are asked if WE will come up to New York to visit THEM – which we have done a few times since the move. I do take some responsibility in not going to see some relatives that have moved out of state, and there have been other occasions where family has visited at times other than the holidays (it’s been a while though). But to be honest, I have grown weary of the request for us to do the traveling back home – especially now that own my family has grown. And as I continue in my personal development and become more acquainted with individuals that are of a similar mindset, it has become very difficult for me to accept the ways of those who refuse to change, as well as expect others to conform to their stagnated thought process.

As much as there is joy in holiday gatherings, it can also be a time when unresolved issues come to light. And instead of finding ways to overcome these problems, many family units tend to let them fester into a revolving cycle of drama and dysfunction. I contend that no one should be forced, coerced, or even cajoled into any situation that will make them uncomfortable, or even cause downright unhappiness. I say this not to encourage total separation of the family unit. But it is best for people to be honest with themselves about their mental and emotional welfare during these times, and make the best choice – even if it is difficult.

I am finding that the older I get, the less appealing the idea of celebrating the holidays in a traditional manner become. For example, I am contemplating a group trip to the Smoky Mountains with some close family and friends, and celebrating Thanksgiving next year. Traveling to the Caribbean or another tropical destination for Christmas sounds great now. Even sending the kids to New York to be with their grandparents while I do nothing would be awesome! A few years ago, I thought those ideas were ridiculous – not so much anymore. They certainly aren’t new; it’s just a matter taking the time to actually DO them – despite what others may think.

In conclusion, although I wish I could enjoy the company of extended family more, there’s certainly no case of the holiday blues over here. Being alone or around very few people at times does not always equal being lonely. The most important aspect of my life is to be happy – which means periodically re-evaluating, and revising my thoughts and actions. This process is not influenced by the wishes of others, (although I do take advice into consideration) and I try my best not to impose my will in return. Because again, we must ultimately decide what is best for us, and make the most out of our own lives.

Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year!!!

Please visit Robert’s website at http://www.affinisapparel.org (also listed in our Media/Resources section). You can also find him on Twitter and Facebook. Show your support today! 

http://www.affinisapparel.org/#!black-nonbelievers-inc/c1mde

~ Mandisa

In Islamic culture, the Niqab is a headdress that is worn by women. One definition of its purpose is to resemble “hijab”, or “purity”. The Niqab covers all parts of a female’s head and face, with the exception of the eyes, and is accompanied with clothing from head to toe. Another explanation for its use is to keep women from exposing their faces in public – so as not to attract the attention of “unrelated men”. Some Muslim scholars would argue that women are held to a divine standard, which is why they are made to cover themselves as they do. But as Martin Pribble eloquently states:

“I see the Niqab as a symbol of all of the other oppressive behaviors perpetrated by men against women in Middle-Eastern cultures and the Islamic religion. The men claim it is there to stop women getting raped by strangers on the street. Likewise, the fact that in some Islamic societies, women are not allowed to leave the house alone, if at all, is cited as protecting the women from rape at the hands of strangers. You and I know that a society can and does operate quite comfortably without these kinds of extreme actions in order to “protect our women”. Even the idea that the women belong to the men, like some kind of pet or belonging is abhorrent.”*
The woman in this picture is protesting the Niqab, as well as the seemingly Draconian notions surrounding its use. She was born into Islamic culture and tradition. At the age of 15, she was married off to a 32 year old man. With no prior experience, she adhered to a lifestyle in which she echoes Pribble’s statement, and which was also sexually repressive. Ritual and custom reigned supreme and she didn’t have the chance to explore her sexuality and desires. But now, at the age of 40, removed from her husband, and dating a freethinker, she has had a chance to open her mind and get in touch with a side of her that had been suppressed for so long.
She is NOT a slave or a piece of property. She is a beautiful woman, and should be allowed to wear whatever she wants. She should be proud of her body and looks, in addition to her brain. She deserves the right to know what her options are sexually – whether she wants to be in a committed relationship, or partake in casual dating. Whether she wants to make love or just plain fuck. She deserves the right to be pleased, as well as please. And this does not make her a slut, whore or any derogatory word that is associated with women who are sexually expressive. No amount of tradition should deprive anyone of that right as a human being, and it is certainly NOT reserved for men only. She is taking her own personal stand; taking her life into her own hands. It is very dangerous to do so in the part of the word where she lives; but courageous to say the least.
I commend this woman for expressing herself and standing up for what she thinks is right. She is doing what many cannot, or will not. In a world where many cultures are still male dominated, yet advancements are being made in women’s rights, the point that there are now choices we can make MUST be driven home. While she no longer has to wear the Niqab, she hopes that one day more Islamic women will be able to either wear them as THEY see fit, or not at all. They deserve that right.

“It is ALSO tradition that times MUST, and ALWAYS do change my friend.”
~ From the Movie “Coming to America”
*Source: http://www.martinpribble.com – From the Blog entry titled, “Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Islam, Women and the Middle East – Some thoughts from the GAC”

All of the ads display the same message: “Doubts about religion? You’re one of many.” On the ads, images of writer-anthropologist Zora Neale Hurston, poet-activist Langston Hughes, and social reformer-publisher Frederick Douglass are paired with contemporary freethinkers. Representing their respective hometowns are activists leading the way for African American nonbelievers, including Mark D. Hatcher of the Secular Students at Howard University, Mandisa L. Thomas of Black Nonbelievers, Inc. (Atlanta), Kimberly Veal of Black Nonbelievers of Chicago, Jamila Bey of African Americans for Humanism–Washington, DC, Veronique Matthews of the Triangle Freethought Society, Leighann Lord of the Center for Inquiry–Harlem, Alix Jules of the Dallas–Ft. Worth Coalition of Reason, and Sikivu Hutchinson of Black Skeptics Los Angeles.

“African Americans who question religion often feel rejected by religious family and friends, and by the greater black community,” said Debbie Goddard, director of AAH. “But there is a rich heritage of religious skepticism and humanism in black history. By featuring the historical faces as well as the modern in our ad campaign, we show people that questioning religion is not new and that there are many of us here.”

For more information about the campaign, please visit http://www.aahumanism.net/we_are_aah

1. Seek professional help – if you are overcoming trauma from any type of abuse (physical, mental, emotional, etc), it is best to go to a therapist or specified doctor (NOT faith based). You’ll need help from those who are not only trained to know what you are suffering from, but who can also get you any medicine or additional resource you may need.
2. Seek peer assistance or counseling – there are plenty of people who have been through hard times and have overcome them through tangible means. Ask them about their experiences, and take any advice they have to give seriously. You may be surprised at how much you may be able to implement their methods in order to improve your own situation.
3. Do your own research – there is a world of information out there. Read books, news articles, medical journals, and watch videos pertaining to whatever your issues are (and then some). There is nothing better than being able to draw your own conclusion based on what YOU took the time to find out.
4. Be true to yourself – The beliefs you’ve been taught have coerced you to rely on an outside being as your model, and that anything in contradiction is completely wrong – including feelings that are natural to human nature (sexual in particular). If you like to travel, have fun and party DO THAT – within reason of course, depending on your responsibilities. If you like to have a drink every so often, please partake. If you are gay, embrace your sexuality with no regrets – adversely, if you are comfortable with open sexual expression, embrace that as well. One of the worst things we do as human beings is worry too much about who we’re disappointing, including whatever god you worship. Such feelings of guilt lead one right back into a cycle of despair and anguish – all because you may feel powerless to actually control situations on your own. The truth is that YOU are your most powerful ally or enemy. Look within yourself and find that strength you need to change your life.

As an atheist, I won’t pray for you. I won’t try to point you in the direction of any being that I equate to the Easter Bunny, Boogey Man, or even Superman. I will however lend an understanding ear, give any advice or solutions as applicable, and if I don’t know the answer I’ll be honest and say so while trying to find a resource that will be helpful. You owe it to yourself to not be that hamster that rides that spinning wheel to nowhere. Jump off and try something new; find another path. Do not rely on one source to get you through life. Look outside of your beliefs for NEW answers. There is never any harm in that despite what you’ve been taught – in fact, you may just discover how much your life will improve in the process.

A new article Jesus’ Failed Prophecy About His Return has been added to the Articles page. It shows that Jesus taught he would return to judge the world and bring about the end of days in the lifetime of his first century disciples. Likewise, the writers of the New Testament believed they would live to see the event in fulfillment of the oracle they believed was given by Jesus. Luckily, the foretelling was false and you are alive to read about it.